Have you ever felt so alone? Have you ever felt so tired and weary like all you want to do is to disappear? Well, I am that person. I am that girl who tries so hard to stay positive but after long days, weeks, and months of being the source of everybody’s positivity, I melt down. Confused on what to do and how to deal with my life.
It sucks to be alone! But I have always preferred the company of myself so I don’t have to deal with everybody’s baggages, stressors, problems. Unfortunately, life has its funny way of teasing, that perhaps my purpose or passion in life is to be the safety net of people. The point is, I will always be needed and the universe doesnt care about my preferences because I am designed in this so called earth to be around people. To be the punching bag because apparently I dont really mind those jabs and kicks until the multiple punches will take its toll on me and the next thing I know I’ll be a limping, bruised nobody that I truly am.
It sucks isnt it? But I still remain grateful and thankful, because I am living my purpose which again is helping out hurt, confused, anxious, scared individuals through actively listening, being empathetic, healing, and sucking out the toxicity and negativity they are experiencing in their lives and then afterwards I console and comfort myself too by crying and grieving on my own.
And when I have served my purpose to the sanity of the humankind, I go back to being invisible, just a nobody getting by in life. Until a new person in need will summon me and there I am again, back on the map, on the spotlight. People will see my “shop til you drop” sign. And yes, this is figuratively and literally.
I cant do anything about it, I can only accept and embrace the fact that it is how my life is planned out. I can only embrace myself. And tell myself to brace again for the coming days because it will never become easy. If dying is an option, I’d be happy to evaporate and leave this place. After all, I have no one but me and my shadow.
